One of the most overlooked yet essential parts of personal growth is who we surround ourselves with. If you’re feeling stagnant, unmotivated, or disconnected, it might be time to take a closer look at your circle.
In this episode of The Real Connect Podcast, I sat down with my bestie, Portia James, to talk about how to find your people. You know? The ones who truly see you, support you, and elevate you. If you’re struggling with networking, avoiding social events, or just feeling alone in your journey, this is for you.
Why Finding the Right People Is Hard
Let’s be real. It’s hard to find genuine connections. Many of us are hanging on by a thread, wondering why we can’t find real, meaningful friendships. The truth?
- We try to bring old relationships into new seasons when they no longer fit.
- We avoid stepping outside our comfort zone to meet new people.
- We don’t always know what we’re actually looking for in a connection.
If this resonates with you, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Let’s talk about how to change that.
Step 1: Let Go of the Old to Make Room for the New
One of the biggest hurdles in finding your people is letting go of relationships that no longer serve you. We hold onto people out of habit, history, or guilt. But here’s the hard truth:
Not everyone is meant to go with you to the next level.
When you’re evolving, it’s natural to outgrow certain friendships. That doesn’t mean you don’t love them—it just means you’re moving in different directions.
Ask Yourself:
- Do I feel energized or drained after spending time with this person?
- Am I always the one leading, organizing, or initiating conversations?
- Does this relationship offer reciprocity—or am I always giving?
According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, people with strong social connections are 50% more likely to live longer than those with weak or insufficient relationships. This shows that building the right community isn’t just about feeling good—it directly impacts your well-being.
Step 2: Get Clear on Who You Need
Before you go searching for your tribe, you need to define what you’re looking for. What kind of friendships or business connections do you want?
- Do you need a mentor who can expand your perspective?
- Do you need business besties who push you professionally?
- Do you need friends who simply bring joy and peace into your life?
I used to think friendships should just happen naturally, but I’ve learned that being intentional about who you allow into your space makes all the difference.
Step 3: Position Yourself for Alignment
The right people won’t just magically appear; the truth is, you have to position yourself to meet them. That doesn’t mean forcing connections, but it does mean being open and available.
- Attend events that align with your interests and goals.
- Be active in online communities where like-minded people gather.
- Say YES to invitations, even if they feel uncomfortable at first.
For both Portia and me, our friendship wasn’t planned. We met by accident at a speaking workshop, barely spoke at first, and later connected through a group chat. What was the key, and what made us really come together? We were both open to the right people entering our lives.
Step 4: Trust the Process
Not every connection will be instant, and that’s okay. Some friendships will develop slowly, while others will feel like instant alignment. Trust that the universe (or God, or whatever you believe in) will put the right people in your path at the right time.
The right friendships should feel natural, reciprocal, and fulfilling—not forced or draining.
Your Challenge: Take Action Today
I want you to do three things this week:
- Write down three qualities you need in your next great friendship or connection.
- Identify one way you can step out of your comfort zone to meet new people.
- Take a moment to reflect: Are there relationships in your life that you need to release?
Keep Growing Your Network
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Your tribe is out there, friends, let’s go find them!