Let’s talk about something we don’t often acknowledge: Solitude is the key to self-discovery. One of my favorite things to do is to sit with myself without distractions, whether on the couch with a candle burning and my journal or in the bathtub with my glass of wine. These are the moments I cherish that enlighten my life and are the biggest catalyst for self-growth.
I learned this firsthand when I went through a toxic relationship that completely forced me to reevaluate everything.
A Relationship That Taught Me the Hard Way
At the time, I was living my best life in Chicago, or so I thought. I was young, ambitious, and thriving in my career. I made a mistake that I don’t recommend. I decided to date my boss. Yep, I said it.
For the sake of the story, we’ll call him Johnny. He was charismatic, older, and seemed to have it all together. But over time, I realized that charm was a mask for control and manipulation.
At first, it was subtle. It started with small backhanded compliments about my appearance, my work, and even how I did my hair. Then, it escalated to more controlling behaviors, guilt-tripping, and slowly chipping away at my confidence.
And I stayed. Way too long.
Breaking Free and Reclaiming Myself
When I finally decided to walk away, I felt lost and disconnected from myself. But instead of seeking external validation, I made a random decision:
- I cut off my cable.
- I disconnected my internet.
That forced me to sit with myself to write, listen to music, and be still. And in that stillness, I rediscovered my creativity, intuition, and, most importantly, my voice.
I also started going out alone to dinners and the movies, and ultimately, I was out in the streets, living my best life on solo adventures. At first, it was uncomfortable, but then I realized something: I loved my own company.
That’s the thing. When you fully know and love yourself, you don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.
How Solitude Strengthens Your Relationships
When you take time to know yourself truly, you start to:
- Recognize red flags in relationships early.
- Set higher standards for who you allow in your life.
- Attract people who align with your values and energy.
- Build deeper, more authentic connections.
Let me tell you, friends, that once you do the work, you walk into rooms differently. People feel your energy, your confidence, your self-worth.
Challenge
I challenge you to schedule alone time this week. Maybe it’s:
- Solo spa day
- Journaling for 15 minutes
- Taking yourself out to dinner
- Meditating without distractions
Do something that allows you to be fully present with yourself. Because the more comfortable you are with YOU, the stronger your relationships, confidence, and overall happiness will be.
Tune into The Real Connect Podcast for more insights on building meaningful relationships.
Join The Connect community to connect with like-minded individuals on a journey to self-discovery and personal growth.
Until next time—love yourself first, and the right connections will follow.